Are there also a thousand thoughts crossing your mind daily? Does it feel like you are having an endless battle with yourself over and over again about which choices you should make? Do you recognize thoughts like:
“What do I want to do with my life?”
“Is this the path that I want to follow?”
”Did I make the right choice?
“Do I look ok?” or “What if….?”
Don’t worry you are not alone in this. There are a lot of people struggling with the same problem, the problem of getting overwhelmed in a world full of different opportunities.
It’s perfectly normal that you’re not able to make the “perfect” choice right away. In this world, with all its options, you often get blown away. There are too many options to choose from, too many options to process. Besides that, it will always be a win/lose game, no matter the situations, no matter the choice you will make. This increases the pressure to choose ‘right’, right away. A pretty exhausting and frustrating challenge, don’t you think? Because, in the end, we all want to make the best choices for ourselves. That causes overthinking too much so that you aren’t even able to listen to our own intuïtion and heart anymore. Instead, you fall into the trap of getting influenced by other peoples thoughts, choices, and opinions. Because sometimes it feels easier to listen to another, then to figure it out yourself.
We all want to make our own choices but like I said we often let ourselves get influenced by others. Most of the time, this happens unconsciously. Other times we let another choose for us. Besides that, when it happened unconsciously, it’s not always simple to know the difference between your choices and theirs. It’s then up to you to look deep inside yourself. Because there is where you’ll find the answer on this. But this isn’t always easy when you feel disconnected from yourself. Many people have become so brainwashed, that they’ve become more an more confused about who they are and their own wants and needs. Eventually, they totally lose touch with themselves. This is why so many people don’t really follow their true passions or goals. They just don’t really know what they really desire anymore.
Free-will has become entangled with the influences from friends, family, the environment and the many media sources. Sometimes we are really unaware of how strongly these influences determine our final choices. We lose the certainty of what choices that are truly made from our hearts and what choices are made for us. It can sometimes feel like you are making a choice by yourself but in the long run, it doesn’t seem to make you feel satisfied or happy at all. That is when a fight arises between your feelings and your thinking. “What do I really want exactly and why doesn’t anything make me happy?” Do you recognize this? Then it’s about time to reconnect with your inner self and start to listen to the voice of your heart again. You’ve been too long gone. You are too unique and too worthy to lose those parts of yourself. This world needs YOU, your authentic you, your authentic thoughts.
It is not a piece of cake, that’s for sure! Influences can get so deeply grained inside yourself that they can feel like your own thoughts. You see them as like they are yours but in the end, they never were. They never really satisfied you in the way they should. Still, there are ways to reconnect with yourself and to discover which thought are truly yours and which aren’t. Reconnecting with yourself also makes you less of a doubter because you start to know what you really need and want in life. These aren’t easy 5-min tricks or scientifically proven facts that work in the same way for everyone. Everyone will experience this process differently and needs to discover for themselves what works best.
The tips that I’ve written below are a tool that can trigger you into finally letting go of (self-)doubt and accepting yourself for who you are. It a matter of switching your mindset and changing the way you are looking at life. These tips do require some time, so being on your own and choosing for yourself is totally in place here and not selfish at all.
~ If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders. ~
I bet there are a lot of you who are thinking “Easier said than done!”. Well, It is definitely not an easy lesson to learn. Many are used to taking a lot of things into consideration and are afraid to lose control. But is it really you who is in control or is it your fear who is controlling you? It’s when we learn to let go, that fear will no longer have control over us. Fear might be the one who protects you from making certain mistakes, but fear can also be the one that holds you back from choosing for what you really want in life. Because what we really want, is often what we fear the most. The reason for this is: The mind knows that what you desire the most can hurt you the most when it suddenly gets lost. So why should you even take the risk, fear said.
When you learn to let go then negative influences, fear of failure and uncertainty will have less of an impact on you. You learn to live more in the here and now. You learn to accept the things how they go without any expectations. This is when fear and failure will disappear like vapor in the air.
>> How to:
There isn’t a solid instruction for this, but I can give you a tip that may help.
Take the time, every day, to reflect on yourself. Think about everything that gave you a negative feeling that day and that still haunts your mind. Then tell yourself that it is OK to let it go and to continue without clinging on to this. It’s not serving you in any good way. If you often remind yourself that it is ok to let go, then your brain will start turning this into a habit. You are kind of reprogramming your own mind into thinking more positively and to be more accepting.
Note: Letting go shouldn’t be seen as a way of giving up. You should see it as a way of self-love. You respect and love yourself too much to keep the suffering going.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t love someone, like to be with close friends or feel joy when you look at your old photos of course! I just mean that people sometimes get too attached, too fast and too extreme to another person or thing. This attachment can be so strong that they can’t even imagine a life without them/it anymore. Life feels meaningless without them/it. Because of this, adherence can be a big cause of creating dependency, disappointment, insecurity, … Definitely when a relationship doesn’t go the way you imagined it. Think about breakups, differences, loss,… In addition, if the bonding is too strong, you stop seeing the person or thing completely in its true value but you only see your own perception of that person or thing. You feel like you know them better, then they know themselves. And then when the person doesn’t act like the picture you’ve created in your head, this can create a major feeling of confusion and disappointment.
>> How to:
Just try to catch yourself, getting totally disappointed when someone you love suddenly doesn’t respond or act the way you’ve had hoped. Try to let go of that feeling and accept the other person in his own value. Every person is unique and no one is totally predictable, and that’s perfect just the way it is. The feeling of disappointment is a feeling that you create yourself because of your own expectations of this person. If you don’t have any expectations of the other person then you’ll not have to feel disappointed. It is entirely in your own hands.
Note: Don’t be too hard on yourself! It’s not about doing it perfectly, it’s about the awareness of your own reactions.
It is OK to be on your own! It’s when you’re alone, that you’ll have the time to discover what truly makes you happy. People who are well aware of their passions and goals doubt much less. They feel confident about themselves and what they want.
>> How to:
Go have a breakfast on your own, take a walk in the park, try out a new hobby, read a book,… Just do what feels good for you or look for a new fun challenge.
Note: For those who really like an adventurous challenge, book a travel trip alone! It’s the perfect way to move your boundaries and to discover yourself on another level.
Meditation and yoga are two mindful techniques where you can take the time to create inner peace and balance within yourself. You start with focusing on your breathing and you allow stress to slowly relieve. When you are at the point of inner balance, you become more one with your deepest, purest feelings. You get to know yourself better, both physically and mentally. It can really help you in figuring out what you truly want in life. It calms your mind and gives you the time and space to really listen to yourself again. It is a real gesture of self-love and respect towards your mind, body, and soul.
>> How to:
There are many different ways of doing both yoga and meditation. I would recommend you to delve into some strong books or to just experiment with it. There is no right or wrong in doing meditation and yoga. Do what feels good for you and grow every day a bit more.
Note: When doing yoga you should pay attention to possible injuries in case of inattention or overconfidence. It’s better to start slow or to ask help from a professional when it’s needed.
Often you hear people say “If I now just had stayed with my first choice…”
You definitely recognize this one, the ‘first’ choice feeling. This feeling is called your intuïtion. Even though this might be the first thought that pops into our minds, still, a lot of us don’t go for our first choice. A lot of the times we let ourselves get distracted by the many other possibilities. This causes the feeling of doubt. Put this in a combination with the many influences from outside of ourselves, and we get in a circle of misleading thoughts. Our intuitive premonitions slowly fade away or get ignored. This can lead to regret when you finally notice that this was the better choice in the end.
>> How to
Try to listen to yourself much more and on a deeper level. Is your first feeling ‘NO’, then don’t go for ‘YES’. Stop working against yourself.
Note: This doesn’t mean that your intuitive choice is always the right one. Yet it is mostly the better one for you. Whatever the result is, it can either be a fun surprise or a good life lesson.